The Gift of Gab - Small Talk on the First Date

art of charm


A first date is an interesting social phenomenon for any student of the human psychology. A relatively new development in the grand scale of things, the first date can be best summed up as a two-way affair that is at once audition and interview. And like most thing social it relies on our ability to communicate fast, well and easy enough to keep our interlocutor’s attention. So what does one talk about on a first date?

Be Yourself

Before discussing what to talk about it’s important to discuss just how you’re supposed to talk. Though it might sound like a cliché, the most important thing is to just be you. After, all you’re meeting or getting to know somebody new, so there really is no pressure and no expectations apart from the bare minimum of decency. Being too nervous denotes insecurity and this is one of the main things that you do not want to appear to be on a date.

It’s important to remind people to act naturally especially as there is an opposing school of thought, the so-called ‘pick-up artists’ that usually suggest the exact opposite, going out of your way to seem cocky, annoying and put your partner off balance so that they are ‘intrigued’ by you. This is rarely successful and irritating to somebody expecting a pleasant date. The Art of Charm dating tips section has quite a few things to say about pick-up ‘artistry’ and is well worth the read.

Be Interested and Interesting

Small talk is often called and ‘art’ or a ‘gift’ but it is really much less esoteric. Small talk is just regular conversation that doesn’t touch upon any controversial or sensitive subjects and, in the case of a first date allows you to discover more about your date partner.

As it’s your first date together you probably don’t really know that much about your partner. Ask your date partner questions that are of genuine interest to you and prove that you’re a good listener as well. Try to tackle broad subjects that she’s definitely going to have strong opinions about like her job and how she likes it, her family, what movies she likes, what kind of music she likes and so on. Taklking about hobbies can also be a good conversation starter especially if you can find something that you’re mutually interested in. Another good idea is to probe her opinions of popular but controversial topics like reality television. Who knows, perhaps you can bond over a mutual dislike of Honey Boo Boo.

Small talk is easy because it simply equates to a healthy interest in the person sitting opposite you. If you’re generally talkative but find it difficult to make small talk with a person perhaps you should take it as a sign that you really don’t have that much in common. On the other hand if you can’t stop talking to someone even about hte most trite things, odds are you’ve stumbled upon a winner here.


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