May 19, 2013
Pardon me while I take to my fainting couch with dramatic sighs. The Billboard Music Awards are tonight in Las Vegas, and I don?t know if I can survive another long evening of gracious applause and thank-you speeches. I actually fell asleep at the Oscars, and only remained upright thanks to my light-up whalebone corset.
I suggested to the BMA bigwigs that they mix things up a scosh: announce the nominees, get ?em all on stage and then have them wrestle in tapioca for the prize. They declined, ?the Philistines.
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