Love is in the air every February, as couples focus on Valentine’s Day. While they may take a break from worrying about things like finances on that day, it’s an issue that will continue to come up well past the holiday. In fact, financial issues are among the top things that couples argue about. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. Understanding the issue and how to communicate about it can go a long way toward a couple loving their future together.
“Financial stresses will keep people up at night and keep them from talking and planning,” said Jeff Smith, a financial planner and owner of The Retirement Smith. “Rather than shut down and tune out, it’s crucial that couples learn how to have a united front regarding money and work toward a secure future.”
According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, conflicts about finances can be destructive for the quality and longevity of a relationship. They report that conflicts about money and finances is the most persistent topic in relationships and ultimately the most destructive type of conflict. What is most alarming is that the study concludes that financial concerns put people at a psychological and physical well-being risk, as well as threaten relationships.
One of the reasons financial arguments is so damaging to a relationship is, according to research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, couples stop communicating. They report that the more stressed out people are about finances, the less likely they are to talk to their partner about money. They found that couples who anticipate conflict when money is discussed with avoid communicating about it at all, which further impacts the couples’ relationship satisfaction.
The evidence is clear – couples must communicate about finances so they can address current issues and plan for their future. Knowing this and getting the conversation going are two different things, and something that most couples will need to work on. Here are some tips for doing just that:
Start the conversation. Someone has to start the conversation to have open communication regarding finances. It’s important to remind the other the other that planning is empowerment. Open the communication with a simple question, such as asking what their ideal financial future would look like, or what financial security personally means to them. Allow the free flow of ideas and exchange.
Be mindful of the tone. This is an issue that goes all of the time. The tone someone uses is crucial, because it can put people on defense. Be sure to use a tone that is caring and not overbearing. The other person needs to feel safe in order to open up and communicate about it. The wrong tone can immediately shut someone down and create more stress.
Determine goals and make a plan. Goals should be set together. Not one person should plan the financial future for the couple. With both people giving input and ideas, they will be more interested in working on seeing it through. Having a voice and contributing to the planning empowers people.
Discuss fears, avoid blame. Many times, financial arguments are born out of fears that one or both people have. Discuss them, without placing blame, or being overly dramatic. The goal is to determine what the fears are and address them, so both people feel secure.
Realize this is self care. Most people realize that self care is essential and important to having a healthy mind and body. What they may not realize is that having a financial plan in place is self care. By doing so, it creates security and improves well-being. It’s worth the effort that it takes.
Get help. Finances are not something that everyone is an expert on. In fact, most people don’t know a lot about financial planning for their futures or how to go about ensuring they will have security. This is why it is beneficial to work with someone who does. Take the time to get financial advice from a trusted professional.
“Knowing as a couple that your financial future has been planned is great self care,” added Smith. “Once both people are on the same page and the future has been planned there shouldn’t be any more arguments about money. The hard part is behind you and now you can enjoy without the stress and financial worry.”
The Retirement Smith serves those in the Fredericksburg, Va., area and beyond with individualized financial planning. Their motto is to treat people as they want to be treated, and they aim to ensure there are no gaps, that people have the answers and solutions they need, and that they will not fall short in their retirement years. They offer retirement planning, income planning, and life insurance. They provide a free, color-coded money risk analysis that focuses on the three major phases of retirement financial management: accumulation, distribution, and preservation. They also offer a Balanced Retirement book to help people plan for a successful retirement. Smith has recently joined with his wife, Jennifer Scherer, owner of Fredericksburg Fitness Studio, to create a podcast that focuses on fitness and finances. For more information or to schedule a complimentary consultation, please visit our website at: https://www.theretirementsmith.com/. To learn more about Fitness & Finance Radio, visit https://fitnessfinancepro.com/.
