Festivals are a rite of passage for most young people. Set free by worried parents with a rucksack full of tinned food, a sleeping bag and a bag of rapidly-drying wet wipes, off they go, determined to have a great time. And they do. But on the final day, those fresh-faced teenagers look like death warmed up. Dirty, hungry, sometimes weeping tears of pain as they soldier on without shoes. Where have they gone wrong? Pretty much everywhere.  Here’s how you can avoid such a fate, and do a festival the grown-up way...

Firstly, if you don’t have a car, hire a car. Please don’t be tempted to look at the station in relation to the campsite and say something like ‘It’s only three miles away!’ On the way there, it might be justifiable. On the way back, tired and hungover, it may well crucify you. When the festival’s over, all you’ll want to do is slope off to your car and speed away to your bath and bed. Just make sure you make an effort to keep mud and muck inside the vehicle to a minimum, and away you go. No more shivering at parochial stations and sharing a crowded train with 50,000 other smelly people.

Secondly, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t eat properly. You can bring tinned fruit, wholemeal pitta breads, marmite, baked beans and other such foodstuffs - you don’t have to stick to noodles. Eggs will keep unrefrigerated for a few days, and you can always bring some onions, peppers, beans and tomatoes to fry up with some cous cous. Even good old pasta and sauce is a guaranteed winner when you’re ravenous. It’s not out of the question to have some nutrients every day, if you use your imagination - just make sure you bring enough cooking gas, and washing-up equipment. This will not only help your finances (no more paying £7 a throw for a burger), but it’ll help keep you feeling full of energy, and help sort out your hangovers. Don’t forget small cartons of UHT milk, tea, and coffee. Anyone who mocks you for doing this is jealous. They will ask you before the end of the festival to dole out a bit of your dinner - it is up to you whether you choose to refuse them.

It may take time, energy and be fairly dull, but if you can, shower every day. There may be hefty queues, but only the very lucky get away with no showering for three days. If the shower’s out of the question, run your head under a tap and make sure your face and hair are clean - you’d be surprised what substances can get in your barnet after a night on the lash in a field. It’s always worth applying moisturiser and suntan lotion as well, and don’t forget to apply a bit of make-up. You’re on holiday, not in a war zone. Don’t let yourself go.

Finally, your bed will be your best friend whilst you’re camping, so make sure it’s a good one. If you have a large-enough tent, and we always recommend a large one, make sure you take an inflatable double mattress with enough pillows and sleeping bags to ensure that you’re toasty warm. Nothing, and we repeat - nothing, will make you feel worse than shivering all night when you realise that a flimsy blanket wasn’t warm enough to keep out the cold. The great British summer is many things, but it is not a guarantee of roasting night-time temperatures, so wrap up.